The things we don't understand

I guess you could say that there are things in life that nobody understands. Well, I have officially encountered one of these things in my personal life. Before I get into the details, you need to know a little bit of background information. My boyfriend Jerry and I have been together for a little over 3 years now. We have had our ups and downs, but in the end things have always worked out for us. Jerry works for the county and is stationed at the landfill. He holds the title of transfer station operator....and he HATES it!!! He also lives at home still which he also HATES. He has been very frustrated lately. A few weeks back, there as an article in the paper about the landfill closing. The county doesn't technically have to give Jerry another job, so there is a chance he could get layed off if they closed. Well, Jerry decided to tell me that he was thinking about joining the marines after he read the article in the paper. It really upset me at first, but I figured it was something that would pass by. Just last week, I went to his house and found him on his laptop looking at videos of marines on you tube. He then asked me what I woud do if he went into the marines. Now, as a good girlfriend, what am I supposed to do? I know I should support him no matter what, and I always will, but I don't want him to know that!!! Then he may think I am OK with him going to the marines, which I soooooo am not. I am selfish, I want him here with me. Him being somewhere far away is bad enough because I see him almost everyday, and if I don't see him I at least get to talk to him. Him being sent to war would send me over the edge!! I couldn't handle that. But of course, I told him I would stay with him if he joined. Today he decided he wasn't going in to work. That is so unlike him. He texted me and said he was thinking about the marines more. Some of the things he said really scared me. This is exactly what he wrote..."the thing is, when you join, you have to join knowing that wherever they send you, you might not come home". Now, I didn't start crying...my eyes just started leaking. It's so weird. I am normally a very emotional person and I get very worked up, but whenever he mentions the marines my eyes just start leaking. I don't know how to feel. He isn't sure yet what he wants to do, but I am scared. I don't want him to go. I want us to start planning a life together and go through life together. If he's in the marines we can't really do that. Especially if he gets sent to Iraq. I am mad at myself for being so upset at the idea. It's a very honorable thing. I just don't want him to go!!!!!! I don't know what's going to happen. I do know that the idea of Jerry joining the marines scares the hell out of me!